omfg, When I think of how long it’s been since I’ve had sex…it’s kind of crazy. The first weekend I had a house to myself in forever, problem solved. Ethan to the rescue! Fucking and spankings and floggings and tit torture and BRANDING (of the non-permanent variety…I hope). Fun times.
This is my newest toy:
I do not typically buy sex toys, as the people I hang out with have them and I’m frugal. Or I’m cheap. But I figured it is about damn time I started collecting fun objects.
This flogger was surprising. I didn’t think it would hurt–the reviews indicated it’s great for beginners, and I thought, Oh, fantastic, this is gonna feel so nice.
I was incorrect. I was also unaware that Ethan has insanely good aim. With the flogger; not with darts, but that’s another story. ;)
My poor tits are still sore, and it’s been a few days.
It’s got a nice handle. And it’s a good deal. AND it’s available through Amazon Prime.
So, seen it yet? Thoughts?
I have no philosophical thing to say about the movie. I know it’s supposed to be a disappointment. Not particularly surprised.
I ordered two ‘pain’ creams: Tiger Balm and Capsicum.
Tiger Balm is basically icy-hot on steroids. It’s a bitch for the first minute or two on sensitive parts, but then fades into nice warmth and fuzziness. Recommended, with the warning that the smell is super strong and a bit off-putting to me. I haven’t used it extensively, but did entertain the notion of having my entire body coated with a layer. That would be intense and super fun.
Capsicum cream is intended for arthritis, and the extra strength shit is tough. I put it on my ass to try it out and it felt like hard spanking aftermath. Then I forgot about it and went to work out. About five minutes in (I was cycling at the gym), it got real bad. Holy fuck. Pores opened. Pain increased. It got to unbearable for me in about 25 minutes–I actually had to switch to a non-seated exercise. Speaking as a painslut, I recommend enthusiastically while also recommending you take this shit slow. Don’t insert gobs of it into your partner’s asshole and expect a nice response. They will break up with you and burn your house down. Shit fucking hurts. The shower, afterward, was particularly awful. Hot water over hot capsicum-coated ass? I seriously turned the water to ice cold and let it run over my skin to sooth the awful. And the stuff was just on my skin, not the sensitive membrane material that makes up our lady bits. Do not fuck with this.
Why have I been playing with pain? I miss it. I expect I won’t for long.
I’ve been out of the online dating scene for a few months for several reasons…mainly the thought of going on a date has just been really unappealing. Lately though I wonder if I’m ready to jump back in…so…
A week ago I signed up for Tinder, the latest dating app. Basically, the app shows you a picture of a guy (or gal), and you swipe left if you think they’re attractive, right if you don’t. If they happen to also agree you’re attractive, then you’re matched, and can send messages to each other.
It’s a hook up thing, which I didn’t realize but became clear almost immediately, when I got a message that didn’t even say hello, just “dtf?”
So I learned a new initialism! “dtf?” = “Down to fuck?”, which, even for a sex positive lady like me, is kinda crass. I’m not 22 year old kid, scoping out my options during last call. And I’m also not so desperate to get laid that I’d fuck a guy without knowing anything about him. AND I’m certainly not going to go to some stranger’s house at midnight (several guys invited me to do this), because that’s just stupid.
I get the appeal of Tinder, but it’s not for me. No more swiping. It was entertaining for a while, though, so eh. No harm, no foul. ;)
OkCupid reigns as King Of All Online Dating Sites. Maybe I’ll join it again soon.
I’m gonna watch the Badgers crush Kentucky tonight. I’m fairly sure my family would disown me if I didn’t.
Let’s go Red!
Twenty minutes ago I was sitting naked on my bed, using my hitachi as a fake microphone, and belting out Bohemiam Raposody, happily pretending to be Freddie Mercury, with boobies.
Let me repeat that, so it can sink in.
I was using my Hitachi magic wand as a microphone to sing. And I was singing along to Queen. FOR AN AUDIENCE.
My lovely mother sent me a skirt in the mail.
She asked me how it fit, so I took a selfie in my mirror to show her that it fits great. Because I’m nice like that.
Then I sent her the selfie.
…then I looked at the picture and realized there are GODDAMN SEX TOYS IN THE REFLECTION.
Fuck fuck fuck please don’t zoom in, Mom. And please, for the love of God, don’t know what a Hitachi is, because that shit is obviously laying on my floor behind me.
I’m not as kinky as I thought. Look at all the unchecked things! Gah!
I actually had to look up a good handful of the words. Teledildonics is exactly what it sounds like. Sitophilia - sexual arousal from food. No, thank you, that sounds messy.
Then there’s frotteurism - which is where you rub your junk against a non-consenting stranger for sexual gratification. Lovely.
Dacrylagnia - arousal from seeing tears in your partner’s (or a stranger’s) eyes. This one actually makes sense because there’s the nurturing aspect of sex, yadda yadda.
Going through all the fetishes I have has made me horny. Sigh. Yesterday I came over ten times on webcam. This may not be the best job for a hypersexual person. Or maybe it’s perfect? I don’t know. I have mixed feelings.
So today I was camming and was in the middle of a cum show when my Pandora account started playing this:
Could not stop laughing. None of the guys were too amused as I went back and forth from trying to make myself come and giggling my ass off.
“Are you guys NOT hearing this??? Seriously? Is this a thing people know about?”
Yeah. Find that Juicy Bubble. Baby got it goin’ on.