I’ve been out of the online dating scene for a few months for several reasons…mainly the thought of going on a date has just been really unappealing. Lately though I wonder if I’m ready to jump back in…so…
A week ago I signed up for Tinder, the latest dating app. Basically, the app shows you a picture of a guy (or gal), and you swipe left if you think they’re attractive, right if you don’t. If they happen to also agree you’re attractive, then you’re matched, and can send messages to each other.
It’s a hook up thing, which I didn’t realize but became clear almost immediately, when I got a message that didn’t even say hello, just “dtf?”
So I learned a new initialism! “dtf?” = “Down to fuck?”, which, even for a sex positive lady like me, is kinda crass. I’m not 22 year old kid, scoping out my options during last call. And I’m also not so desperate to get laid that I’d fuck a guy without knowing anything about him. AND I’m certainly not going to go to some stranger’s house at midnight (several guys invited me to do this), because that’s just stupid.
I get the appeal of Tinder, but it’s not for me. No more swiping. It was entertaining for a while, though, so eh. No harm, no foul. ;)
OkCupid reigns as King Of All Online Dating Sites. Maybe I’ll join it again soon.
I’m gonna watch the Badgers crush Kentucky tonight. I’m fairly sure my family would disown me if I didn’t.
Let’s go Red!
Twenty minutes ago I was sitting naked on my bed, using my hitachi as a fake microphone, and belting out Bohemiam Raposody, happily pretending to be Freddie Mercury, with boobies.
Let me repeat that, so it can sink in.
I was using my Hitachi magic wand as a microphone to sing. And I was singing along to Queen. FOR AN AUDIENCE.
My lovely mother sent me a skirt in the mail.
She asked me how it fit, so I took a selfie in my mirror to show her that it fits great. Because I’m nice like that.
Then I sent her the selfie.
…then I looked at the picture and realized there are GODDAMN SEX TOYS IN THE REFLECTION.
Fuck fuck fuck please don’t zoom in, Mom. And please, for the love of God, don’t know what a Hitachi is, because that shit is obviously laying on my floor behind me.
I’m not as kinky as I thought. Look at all the unchecked things! Gah!
I actually had to look up a good handful of the words. Teledildonics is exactly what it sounds like. Sitophilia - sexual arousal from food. No, thank you, that sounds messy.
Then there’s frotteurism - which is where you rub your junk against a non-consenting stranger for sexual gratification. Lovely.
Dacrylagnia - arousal from seeing tears in your partner’s (or a stranger’s) eyes. This one actually makes sense because there’s the nurturing aspect of sex, yadda yadda.
Going through all the fetishes I have has made me horny. Sigh. Yesterday I came over ten times on webcam. This may not be the best job for a hypersexual person. Or maybe it’s perfect? I don’t know. I have mixed feelings.