Time to start checking off items on my List Of Unfinished Projects!
Oddly enough, as I browsed some of my earlier entries in 30 Days of Kink, I’ve found that my opinions have changed. One fun (read: annoying) part of my personality is that I will argue adamantly about my opinion, so fucking sure of myself, and then a week or two later I switch directions and change my damn mind.
Whatever. I like Day 14′s question, so here we go!
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?
I was riding him one afternoon, and he was exploring a fantasy to get me off.
“Maybe you’d like to find a house, with seven guys, and be their sex slave…have them control you, tie you down, use your body…”
I came immediately, then paused, thought for a moment, and replied, “Huh. I bet I could make that happen.”
“Uh, maybe not such a good idea.”
Fantasy and reality are obviously separate realms. For some people, this is a Very Good Thing. If Johnny imagines fucking sheep while he’s whacking off, good for him. If Johnny fucks a sheep, he’s raping a creature who cannot provide consent, and bad on him.
Safety-wise, handing myself over to a frat house and becoming their sex slave? Unwise. Jilling off to the idea? Awesome.
An aside: a couple months ago I actually got a message from a guy, at a frat house, and they wanted a sex slave. Sigh.
So, there’s the morality, there’s the safety, and then there’s also the logistical battle, which trips up newbies.
No one can be a Master/Mistress all day, every day. No one can be a slave all day, every day. It’s just impossible, because life happens. Unless the two partners have an extreme difference in financial and educational backgrounds (in which case I’d guess that delving into a D/s relationship is sketch, to say the least), the ‘sub’ half is going to occasionally disagree with the ‘Dom’, and there will be fights, there will be sickness and injury, there will be a million instances in which relying on the power dynamic is not only inappropriate, but useless. Two people in a long-term relationship will operate as peers for the majority of their time together (even if the relationship is outlined such a way that one person is ‘in charge’).
Beyond morality, safety, and logistics, we have desires.
Do I desire to be a slave? Nope. Not even a little bit. I’ve identified as a slave before, I’ve done the M/s thing, I’m no longer into it, thankyou. I certainly fantasize about it, however. I’m writing a short story about a young woman who agrees to be a live-in-housekeeper and sex slave for two smokin’ hot men. The idea of that? SO FUCKING HOT. A reality of that?
Hmm. I just had to pause because, again, that sounds so fucking hot. But no. Not a good idea for reality. Maybe for a weekend. Or a month.
A-hem, anyway. All these things: morality, safety, logistics, and our long-term desires, they separate fantasy from reality.
BUT: This doesn’t mean that many fantasies can’t become reality.
The majority of my fantasies fall into the ‘Okay To Try Out’ category, and fuck if I’m going to sit around and avoid making them happen. Many of my fantasies have happened, and reality delivers. Is the outcome what I expect? Sometimes. Sometimes reality is better, sometimes it’s disappointing.
I don’t want to look back on my life and think, “Man, I should’ve really tried getting spanked hard and then nailed in the ass, now I’ll never know what that feels like.”
I love exploring my sexuality, and sharing it with people I trust. Turning fantasies into realities is like a freakin’ hobby to me, at this point. One of the keys is expectations–being honest that reality will not always live up to our fantasy, and that’s perfectly okay. Because sometimes, reality not only lives up to fantasy, but it trumps the fuck out of our expectations and we end up a quivering pile of post-orgasm mess, barely able to move around the sweaty sheets, completely exhausted and surprised.
And that’s fun.
p.s. More 30 Days posts here.