I’m reading a little erotica freebie right now and had to stop and write this entry.
Sometimes, when we describe scenes, we use dialogue to enhance our descriptions. For example, if a couple is making love in their bedroom after breakfast, we might see something like this:
“God, you are so fucking hot right now,” Pete groaned as he worked his thick erection into Lucy’s tight, wet sex.
“Yeah. Baby, did you remember to turn off the coffee maker?”
“Shh… don’t think about the fucking coffee maker.”
This is realistic dialogue. Pete and Lucy are two people having sex. Real sex. I can talk about his thick erection and I can make note of Lucy’s hot, wet sex, but these details stay the heck out of the dialogue.
The author of the book I’m reading does not always care for this convention. Instead, the previous scene would begin like this:
“God, you are so fucking hot right now,” Pete groaned. “I’m gonna work my thick erection into your tight, wet sex.”
Pete would never say that. If Pete did say shit like that, I would ban him from making appearances in my books.
When I’m reading dialogue I want to believe it. I try to reflect this in my stories, and I think I usually pull it off. This book I’m reading, which shall go unnamed, is actually pretty hot. But seriously, I pull this quote directly from the story, where one guy is watching another one fuck a woman. He’s speaking to her, I presume:
“How hot is this, watching his thick rod piston in and out of your tight cunt?”
Really? His thick rod pistons? Who says that? Show me, instead!
“God, this is so hot,” he said, watching Pete’s thick rod piston in and out of her tight cunt.
Goodness. Pete is getting a lot of action this morning.